Story (What I have so far)...Feedback would be helpful

Osaka, Japan-Seiryu Tech University-Winter
It was the start of the winter semester, and all of the seniors in Cho Hall were working restlessly on their senior projects.

Computer Lab
One person was working on a computer project It was a boy with glasses. He was glues to the screen, checking over his work...
"Okay...uh-huh...alright, that checks out" he says to himself.
As he continued checking over his work, in the corner of his eye, he looked at the clock. His eyes grew wide as the time was 10: 57. He hurried and clicked save, but it wasn't going fast.
"Come on, computer. I know it's a big file, but hurry up!!"
After a few seconds, the file was saved. He ejected the usb from the computer and puts it in his pocket, and runs out of the room
Hallway
[You know those days when you wish the time will go by faster so you can go home and hangout with your friends for the weekend and have all of your troubles behind? Well...this is not one of those days.]
(Frame Pause)
???: I'm Vincent Saotome, an average student starting where I left off long ago....eh, you'll find out later.
(Frame Resume)
A girl comes running behind Vincent to get to class until she bumped into him from behind and fell down, and dropped her books...
???: oh, i'm sorry
(Frame Pause)
Vincent: the girl....Asami Kimiko. She's a bit shy but can still hold her ground when she needs to....Anyway, she's in my homeroom so...yeah
(Frame Resume)
Vincent helps her with her books and gives them to her...
Vincent: we're going to be late for class so lets hurry
Asami: right
Classroom
They start running to their next class. Once they got there, the teacher was giving a lecture to the students, not knowing the two were late. There were two seats left in the classroom since the room was big enough to fit fifty people. So Vincent and Asami went to the available seats. Asami sat down in the back desk, last row and Vincent sat at the desk in the first row, third seat, and then looked around...
Vincent: (thinking):Strange...there shouldn't be this many people in here on the first day of school. Oh well, first time for everything
He then turns to listen to the teacher's lecture for awhile, and starts dozing off until he feels some rumbling. The class started panicking and holding their desk.
Teacher: Everyone calm down. There's no need to pan--
Before the teacher could finish his sentence, the wall of the building was ripped open and a red and black dinodaur came in and roared. Everyone screamed and tried to get out of the classroom as fast as they could. The dinosaur started wrecking through the classroom, killing everyone in its sight, leaving blood and bodies behind. Vincent ran to the back of the room, the only spot that hasn't been destroyed yet. Along with him were two other people: Asami and a boy that followed her.
Vincent: Asami, are you okay?
Asami: yeah. what's going on?!
Vincent looked around and sees an opening that they can make their escape. The dinosaur kept coming their way
Vincent: guys, follow me!
He starts running for the opening outside, and Asami and the boy followed him. The dinosaur quickly noticed them escaping, and roared then chased after them. They made it outside, but wasn't out of the woods yet. The field was covered with snow, four inches off the ground. The three continued running from the dinosaur when suddenly in the distance Vincent seen a big ditch, separating the field from the forest.
Vincent: up ahead! we can lost it if we can get past the ditch
?: are you crazy?! that forest is filled with dangerous animals
Vincent: there's no other way. we have to
The group kept running through the snow, enduring through it. The snow had really taken a toll on the three as Asami starts breathing heavily
Asami: Vincent...I don't think...I'll make it
Vincent: you have to keep going, Asami. We're almost there
The boy looked back and seen the dinosaur inching closer to them and turned around to see the ditch up ahead
?: that must be it!
Vincent: everybody, slide now!
As soon as he said that, the three slid into the ditch. The dinosaur stopped in its tracks as it got to the ditch, and turned around to go some place else. The three regained their breath
Asami: we made it. so what now?
Vincent: we climb up
?: didn't you hear me back there? the forest is up there
Vincent: just trust me. Now, I'm going to give you a boost up then you help Asami up
?: tch. whatever
Vincent gives him a boost up and he climbs out
Vincent: alright. now get Asami
He gives Asami a boost, and the boy pulled her up. Asami then kneeled down and held out her hand
Asami: give me your hand, Vincent!
Vincent jumped to grab her hand and she starts pulling, but wasn't strong enough to do it by hersef. She turned to the boy and noticed something different about him.
Vincent: Asami, don't let go! (turns to the boy): hey! a little help here
?:...
The boy helped Asami pull Vincent up from the ditch. Once he got up, he seen the halos over Asami and the boy's head.
Asami: we made it
?: yeah, but tell me one thing...WHY DO WE HAVE HALOS OVER OUR HEAD?
Asami looked over her head to see a halo hovering above her head
Vincent: calm down. I know you two have a lot of questions, but first things first, we have to get acquainted. I'm Vincent Saotome, and this is my friend Asami Kimiko
Asami: nice to meet you
The boy says nothing at first, but speaks up a second later...
?: Hikaru Akishiro. Now answer my question
Vincent: okay. Where we are now isn't what you think it is
Asami: what do you mean
Vincent: this is another world named Gnosis. The reason you two have halos right now is because...you are dead.
Asami and Hikaru were surprised as their pupils dilated when they heard him say it...
Hikaru: how can thatbe ?! We didn't do anything to get killed...and why you don't have one?
Asami: Vincent...is there something you're not telling us?
Vincent sighs...
Vincent: the reason i don't have a halo is because I live in this world. And if you didn't have those halos, you two wouldn't be able to survive. Now, let's go. I know a place we can go
Vincent and the others start walking into the forest. It was still snowing like in the human world, but it was worse; it was a massive blizzard blowing in as they were walking through the forest. Suddenly, Hikaru stopped and took out a pack of cigarettes and took one out of the box. He then took out a lighter to light and smoke the cigarette. All of a sudden his halo starts flickering, and ghastly noises were heard within the forest.
Vincent: Hikaru, put that out! If you continue, you're dead
Hikaru: says who?
The noises were getting closer. Asami knocked the cigarette out of Hikaru's mouth with an angry look on her face.
Hikaru: hey!
Asami: we don't have time to play around. If we're going to survie, we have to listen to Vincent so stop acting so damn arrogant!
Vincent and Hikaru looked at Asami surprisingly as this was rare for her to speak out like that...
Vincent: ahem...well, let's keep going. It's not too far now
They continued walking as the noises started silencing as Hikaru's halo went back to normal. Freezing their butts off, Asami and Hikaru's bodies were almost numb...
Asami: are we almost there?
Vincent: yeah
He puts his hand through a water drop-like portal and goes through and the two follow. On the other side, they end up inside of a house, more like a log cabin. Just then someone came out of the hallway and looked around the corner. It was a teenage girl with long silver hair tied in a braid down to her shins...
Vincent: Yuki, is that you?
Yuki: DADDY!!
She ran to him and hugged him tight...
Yuki: i missed you so much
Vincent: i missed you too. You've grown since last i seen you. Where's your mother?
Yuki: she's still at the base
Vincent: okay...oh.
He turns to Akari and Hikaru...
Vincent: Akari, Hikaru. This is my daughter, Yuki
Yuki formally bows to them...
Yuki: nice to meet you, and thank you for taking care of my father
Akari: it's no problem at all, but if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be alive right now
Hikaru: can't say the same for the others though
Akari looks down as she was upset about the students that died.
Yuki quickly changes the subject...
Yuki: would you guys like some tea?
Vincent: sure, I'll have some. Akari? Hikaru?
Hikaru: i guess
Akaru: oh....sure
Yuki goes in the kitchen and starts making tea. Vincent sits down on the couch...
Vincent: make yourselves at home
The two hesitated a bit, and then sat down...
Akari: so...nice place you have here, Vincent
Hikaru: what are you talking about? It looks like an old log cabin from the 1700s
Vincent: you can leave if you want. No one is stopping you
Hikaru:...
Yuki comes back with four cups of tea on a tray, and gives them theirs and gets hers and starts drinking...
Yuki: dad, you may want to see mom. Ever since you left she's been acting strange
Vincent: that's not new
Yuki: stranger...she's been writing stuff in her diary, and not the usual stuff
(Frame Pause)
Before I continue on with the story, I want you to know that when you meet a woman, make sure you REALLY get to know the woman cause there are some crazy ones out there
(Frame Resume)


**I know I have to explain some stuff that happened. i just didnt get to it yet