Death of True Emotion

It was a late night with the celebrating going on. The next group of students had finally graduated to the rank of Genin. The thirteen students who pass gathered in a large hall with family and friends. They joked around and laughed the night away. It was a great end to their schooling life and a grand start to their new lives in the shinobi world. Meimu was among them. He was no shy child back then that was for sure. He laughed and played like any other. He was in fact the one who cleaned the tables that evening. Then again he did clean them by skating across them mid party, throwing all the food and drinks onto the ground. Then there was the hanging lights that got ripped out of the ceiling as Meimu swung from one to another. In fact I think the entire dinner hall was burned down that year. You know thinking about this it explains a lot of the "why" the following happened.

The next morning came quickly to Meimu. The sound of waves and the motion of the waves jerked Meimu up. As Meimu set up it took him only moments to figure out he wasn't at home. The sun hadn't broke yet and a thick mist laid our over the water around Meimu. He was in a very small row boat with no paddles. "Survive...." Came a voice that caught Meimu's attention. He spun around in the small wooden boat to look behind him. Another, slightly larger boat was just a few feet from his. A rope tied the pair together. Inside the other boat was three men. On sitting in the back. One sitting in the front. The third was his father, standing straight up in the center of the boat. The man at the front of the boat held a hooked blade. Before Meimu fully understood what was going on the rope tethering him to his fathers boat was cut. "...Let this break your emotions. Survive.....or die..." Meimu's father said as the man with the hooked blade pushed Meimu's boat away from theres. In a panic Meimu scrambled to the back of his boat. Reaching out he grabbed hold of the mans blade. The knife cut deep into Meimu's hand. He couldn't hold on though as the blade sliced through his skin slipping out his hand.

"FATHER!!" Meimu yelled out as the boats floated apart. Seconds more Meimu's father was hidden by the mist, leaving Meimu alone in his boat. Meimu had no fears of being alone. He really didn't have a fear of water or this mist, but he just couldn't grasp his father leaving him alone, drifting across the sea. The sun never seem to rise. The mist seemed to thicken around him. Cutting him off from everyone. For the first few hours Meimu's screams echoed across the waters, seeming to only bounce of the fog then cut through it. The next hours was spent curled in the bottom of the boat, tears flooding his eyes. One day rolled into the next without sign of the sun, moon, stars or end of the fog. Only two things remained now. The sounds of the waves and the motion of Meimu rocking back and forth.

Dehydration began to set in as the tears finally stopped. No sun, just the chilling fog around him began to provoke hallucinations until finally Meimu broke. In a small fit of unforgettable rage, Meimu dove into the water. The all ready dehydrated boy didn't last long swimming in the water. His mind went from finding land to escaping sharks to just ending himself now, and then he didn't have to make that choice. His mind faded as his swim slowed until finally his body sank. A final exhale of air and he was gone, sinking beneath the waves above to his end.

The dark side of this world is usually hidden and covered up, but it was never kept secrete from Meimu. Memories of talking with his father proved that. "Death all ways comes. Some sooner than others." Meimu could hear his father say sternly. "one thing is all ways for sure. No one just passes. You can't have pain without death. You can't have death without pain." Those words, slightly cryptic, were not lies. With pain comes death. With death came pain. There was no escaping it. With all the wishes in the world Meimu couldn't feel anything but pain. His mind had faded and he was gone but still he felt pain. Was he not dead? Should his death end his pain? or was there really such a thing as hell. Then a focused thought finally passed through Meimu's mind. Memories was a sign of life. One that wasn't over yet.

With a huge gasp of air, Meimu woke up on a beach. The waves barely touching his feet as the tides left him behind on the beach. Meimu let out a grouping of coughs, spitting out water as he did. His body naturally rolled over, and an slightly unnatural way he started to crawl up the beach and away from the water. He had to get away from it. Finally, Meimu dug his hands into grass. His tight grip on the ground pulled to drag himself forward but his body went limp again as he passed out under a large tree. The sounds of waves behind him helped him cling to consciousness but even the fear they now prevoked couldn't hold on tight enough as he slipped out again.


"Where's mommy?" a child questioned. He was four days into his academy life when suddenly his home life took a huge turn.

"She had to go..." A stern voice said. The child looked at the source of the voice but it was no more than a shadow in his eyes.

"Go where?" the child questioned again taking hold of the pants of the shadow. This was honestly the first time the child had felt this way before. It was a combination of fear and something else. Pain. It was just like the child had been sliced across the back. The pair of emotions shattered the childs mind to say the least. He gripped harder onto the shadow figure waiting for a respone, but one never came. Only a large hand came. It grabbed the child by the back of his shirt and tore him from the shadows leg. The emotionally shattered child fell to the ground sitting on his bottom looking up with watery eyes. The shadow still didn't speak, it just turned and left as well, shutting a door behind it. Locking the child alone in the darkness. Alone with no light, and no sounds other than his own sobs. Wipping his runny nose on his sleeve and trying to hold back the tears, the child fell apart. It was too much for him. The small child sat in the center of the dark room, crying loud enough one would have thought the neighbors would have heard it.

They had to have heard him. They just didn't care either. No one wanted to help this child. This child would never be the same. A normally happy and playful child sat alone now. Weeks of school went by and even the other students noticed the change in the child. Still no one seemed to want to help. Still no one wanted to be with the child. The childs schooling began to fall. He was only barely passing through the classes, even he didn't want to help himself.

He even started to believe, he'd be better off dead...

A small girl in the same class as the boy, sat next to him one day in class. At first it was small shocker to child but he passed if off as no more than an need of a chair, but every day the girl took the same seat. It took weeks before either said anything to each other. The child spoke first.

"Why?" the child said simply at the end of class one day. The question could mean hundreds of things, but some how the pair both knew exactly what it was aimed at.

"Because I could." The girl said plainly with a smile on his face as she stood up from her chair at the end of class. "Why does anyone need any other reason?" She asked back, but didn't wait around for an answer.

The boy was left silent. The answer was so simple. How could it be so simple. An hour passed by with the boy alone in the class room. The boy's eyes watering up to no end but not quite bursting with tears yet. "Because she could..." The boy said burring his face in his arms on his desk. What type of an answer is that? How could a mother just leave? And just like that the truth of the question escaped.

The next morning the child returned to school and took his seat like normal, and soon after the girl followed. The class went easily without a word from either. Once class was dismissed though the boy spoke again, breaking the silence. "You should leave..." the boy said with a large amount of pain and hatred behind his voice. The boys hand reached into pocket and fumbled to find a grip on a knife. As he started to pull it out the girls hand gently landed on the boy's wrist, locking him in place.

The girl leaned in close to the boy's ear. A whisper left her lips and to the boy. With that the girl's grasp on the boy disappeared and she walked out of the room. Silence was all that was left. The boy still locked in position. A tear rolled down the boy's cheek. A small sob shook the boy's body. It released the stress in the boys body as the tears started to flow now. There was no real truth behind what the girl had said. There couldn't have been. How we that little girl know anything about this. How could she know anything about his mother. The grip on the knife was released as the boy began wiping away the tears. "She didn't. She wouldn't have left..." The boy whispered out. He had just started to get a handle on his tears and now this little runt decided to strip down his walls. "She never loved me..."

Meimu woke again as a rain droped rolled off a leaf and to his lips. The echo of other drops on the plants and ground let him know it wasn't a dream. Struggling the boy pushed his body up and leaned up against a tree. Sitting perfectly still against that tree, Meimu finally hung onto his conciousness. Those dreams hurt more than reality ever would. Still though, even after escaping the dreams, the memories wouldn't leave Meimu alone. Meimu reached out to the rain gathering what he could of a handful and took it to his lip. He poured it into his mouth and the water rolled down his throat. It was soothing, but it would only bandage the pain.

What was I even going to do... Meimu said thinking about the knife he had reached for that day. He scrambled to find the answer but couldn't find it. He remembered that morning well enough, as he ate his normal breakfest, gathered his books, and grabbed that knife. Had I really planned on killing her... Meimu said forcing himself to remember but to no success. He played it over and over in his mind trying to think of his reason but he couldn't find it. The only thing this did for him was cause the small tear left in his heart from back then to rip wider and wider open. "I..'m sorry...." Meimu said uncontrollably.

Hours passed as Meimu's mind couldn't focuse on anything but that one memory. What he thought was that one day. The rain finally stopped but Meimu didn't realize it for several more hours. The sun set and the light bounced of the top of the ocean water catching Meimu's eyes. His hand moved up to block the light as he snapped back to reality. Looking up at the sky, he confirmed the rain had stopped. Meimu still wanted to find the answer to his question and on that want alone, he forced himself to his feet. The majority of his weight braced against the tree and he turned away from the setting sun and towards the forested area of the island. Stumbling along Meimu knew what he had to do. He had to survive. He had been trained on what he had to find to survive. Listening to the sounds around him, Meimu searched for the first, a source of water.

The babbling of a small stream. He had no clue how far he had actually traveled. Meimu fell to his knees and bent over to reach into the small stream. He didn't have the strength to support his own weight any longer as he fell into the stream. His breathing was extremely labored. Under normal cercomstances, he'd have gone to the hospital, or at the very least talked with a medic of some kind. Here though, he had no luxary. If he died here he'd die alone. If he got sick he'd have no help. If he hurt himself... Meimu breathing seemed to stop as he finally remembered his reason. "I didn't have the knife that day..."

Meimu couldn't hold on any longer as he faded out again. The water felt cool against his skin as he laid across this small stream. It soothed his pain, but not his mind. The pain he was feeling clouded his mind, it jumbled his memories and he couldn't sort them out with the pain still there. That afternoon, long ago, he didn't reach for a knife in his pocket. It was all wrong.


The next morning the child returned to school and took his seat like normal, and soon after the girl followed. The class went easily without a word from either. Once class was dismissed though the boy spoke again, breaking the silence. "You should leave..." the boy said with a large amount of pain and hatred behind his voice.

She didn't though. She sat there with a smile on her face in silence. The teacher left to work else where, and was followed out by several students. Soon all the students followed suit and left the room. But the pair sat in silence. The boys hand reached for the desktop to retrieve his book when the girls hand met his. She leaned against the boy insilence for a moment before finally speaking. "I can't help how you feel about this world, and I can't help how I feel about you..." She said in a soft voice.

The boy's boddy shuttered at the thought. He knew he couldn't get close to anyone. They'd only disappear as well. They all left him and they'd all leave him. But still the hole left in his heart the day he found out his mother had left, was gone. Something new was there, but he didn't know how to react to this feeling. The hole had been there far to long, but still he didn't want to leave. He never wanted to leave, and resisting all the bad thoughts the boy embraced the girl holding her close.

After a while of setting there in silence the girl stood up with a smile on her face. She leaned into the boy huging him tigtly whispering into his ear, "I'll see you tomorrow. I promise." Before making her way to the door.

The boys heart skipped as the girl left the room, leaving him in silence but still, the girls words comforted him. It gave him somthing to move on with. Something to continue on with. Something to live for.


The next morning the boy woke with the strange feeling still there, but his mind kept telling him it was just a lie. A dream, and so like all ways the boy ate the same breakfest and gathered his things and left out for school. Two steps out his front door and his eye met her's. The boy's body locked up as his mind kept thinking it was an illusion, a daydream, a fantasy, but as her hand wraped around his, fantasy met reality. The girl let a small laugh as she tugged his hand freeing his body from its paralysis. "Come on~" She said with a smile on his face, and for the first time in a long time, the boy smiled too.

The pair waltz their way through the streets. The people along the streets used to seeing the sad and lifeless child walk to school each morning, couldn't help but smile theirselves. Even the town its self seemed to perk up as the sun made the mist disappear around the pair. The boy couldn't stop smiling the entire day. Class ended and the boy was content to set in silence again with the girl, but it would seem she had a different plan. She gathered her books and leaned over the boy's shoulders from behind "Come on. Lets go play..." She said in a soft voice to the boy's ear.

To the boys surprise, the girl had done this, before even the teacher left the room, and in even bigger surprise he replied by catching her eye from the corner of his. The girl dragged the boy along as the pair ran from the academy and to clif over looking the town's harbor. The girl laid her bag down without letting go of the boy and moved to the edge of the cliff. She sat down hanging her legs of the edge and dragged the boy down with her. She leaned up against him wraping his arm she refused to let go of around her. It wasn't as though the boy really resisted as he pulled her even closer. The pair had something that transcended words, and it was realy, and it was fantasy. It was perfect. The boy's heart lightened slightly as he was finally truely happy.

The sun set over the harbor bringing this perfect day to a close, and bring in a hellish night. The boy's eyes drifted from the bautiful colors of the sky and to an in coming boat. The smell of the girl's hair drifting to his nose as he tighted the grip around her and she tightened her's. She closed her eyes in the warmth of his arms, but his eyes widened. His eye's locked onto another's eyes. A tall man standing on the incoming boat. A man the boy could never forget in his life. One that normally was the only source of what he thought was his only happiness, but now tore his heart open again with fear.


"Father..." Meimu whispered back in reality as a tear rolled down his cheek.

With a perfect day drawing to the ultimate end in the boy's eyes, the boy could sleep. The moon had just reached its peek and the streets of the town had cleared out but a few people woundering around. The boy, careful not to stir anyone else made way from his bed to the window. The slide on the window was smooth as if it had been used to escape before. Without hesitation the boy moved out leaving his home behind. The moon light lit up the roof tops as the boy moved quickly and silently to his destination. He had remained entirely invisible, or so he thought.

As his ultimate goal came within sight, the ultimate evil in the boys heart appeared again. A large man stood on the roof of a home where the boy was head towards. The boy instinctivly stoped, gritting his teeth as he knew what this was. The boy had to restrain his anger, but to no success. The boy reached to his pocket and pull a short knife he'd picked up off his table at home. With a tear running down his cheek the boy ran in.

He must have known it was hopeless but he couldn't stop himself, or may be he didn't want to stop himself. May be he hoped it would end there for him as well, but it didn't. The pain would never end.

"She's gone." The man said as the knife slid into his body, only stopping due to the boys hand meeting the man's flesh. No blood ran from the wound, but boy pushed on. He twisted the blade inside the man's body with tears flowing from his eyes. He couldn't bring a single word to be formed as he pulled the blade out and pushed it in again. "This pain you feel, remember it for the next time you feel happiness again. Happiness is but a illusion, a fantasy, and one you have yet to deserve in this world. Even now, you try to cast pain onto me but can't. Your weak, and happiness is not for the weak."

The boy released the blade and stepped back, ignoreing the man's words. "Turn these wounds into wisdom." The man continued. "Let that wisdom be your strength. These emotions you have are what control you. They are what keep you weak in the world's eyes. They are what will get you killed. With emotion there is only weakness." The man placed a hand on the knife and pulled it out of his body. He threw it to the roof at the boy's feet. The boy reached down and drew the blade again. He drew is back ready to run in again but relaxed. "Do you finally understand? You can't kill with emotion, you can only be killed by emotions."

The man shut his mouth stopping before the next sentece formed. The boy lifted the blade out in front of him. He moved aiming to kill again, and for the first time, drew blood.


The blade slid across Meimu's arm, letting blood run free and into the clear stream. He could feel his body go cold a moment, but he was afraid. He no longer felt it as pain. Only relief, as he drifted off.

Blood began to flow slowly as he stopped the blade against his arm. He wanted it over. He wanted it to end. All the pain to disappear. His friends, his family torn away from him. He'd never get the chance to see them. At least not in this life any way. Priests all ways teach about the after life. A worl in its self, where there is only happiness, true happiness. But still he couldn't bring himself to do it. Only a small cut was left behind on his arm as he lifted the blade with tears in his eyes. A very thin tiny stream of blood flowed just like his tears, but he wouldn't look at it. He couldn't look at it. Dropping the knife he grabbed his arm, tightly wrapping his fingers around his own arm. "Why can't I do it...." He sobbed out as he just wanted it to end.

He was alone here, in darkness, and still yet he couldn't end it. He did not fear other's seeing him. He did not even fear being alone. Memories flashed of his friends and his family, but it all came back to the same face. A face of anger, and pain. A face he hated with every fiber of his body, she was the reason he couldn't leave this world. Not yet at least, but he never saw himself a murderer. He couldn't harm anything. He was a child. He was pure of heart. His tear filled eyes turned to the sky as he couldn't stop it any more. He wailed out in pain, but not his physical pain. It was pain he could never be rid of and he knew it, but he couldn't stop from trying.

His mother told him long ago, there is all ways a place in this world for everyone. For every person there is a perfect place, Supported by others close to them. For every person, there is one true love. Well were was his? Where was his place in this world? Where was just one person, who would be there to support him? He wanted no more but for that one person, that perfect person to wrap their arms around him right now. Save him from this lonelyness.

He felt isolated from the world in this sadness. Plants grew up around him, or rather he was pulling them around him. Vines and trees grew close wraping around him, forming a protection around him, holding little Rosuto close.

Rosuto had few things left in this life. His family was torn away from him, his friends left behind, and he was brought to this village, covered in darkness. The only thing he thoguht he had control over was his own life, but he couldn't even take that. His entire life Rosuto knew he really didn't belong in dipu, but he was home in dipu. Poison followed steadily from his body, but it didn't from his mother or father, nor either sister. A mutation they called it. Some fluke of his father being an ex-jinch and his mother being a reaper. He could break his own body apart and litterally enter another person's body, but neither his parents nor his sisters could. Another mutation. He found peace in his ability to control plants like a natural, but none of his family could do that either. A mutation, of course. All rosuto was, was a mutation.

Wasn't hard to put together that he didn't belong, but he did belong there. He knew no other family. They accepted him as the mutation he was. That day his father had taken him out on a simple mission. It was an easy way for him to get expeirence in this horrible world, but when the time came. He hid. Stopped by two people, all he could do was watch as his father ran, hide, and protected him. All he could do was watch the emotionless attacker, controlling the plants as he could. All he could do was watch that anger filled woman, over flowing with pain, tear his world apart. When the time came that his father could have used the help, when the time Rosuto had a chance to help, he ran.

He deserved this darkness around him. He deserved to be alone in this world. After all, he was a mutation. By definition, he didn't fit in this world. He was an impossibility, and one that had no control of anything. The blood on his arm had stopped flowing and dried up as Rosuto curled up into a ball. The plants around him grew up closing off the out side world from him. It was here, in this darkness, that if he couldn't take his own life, he'd spend his life.

Darkness. It was all she knew. She had a pair of loving parents. She had what people could consider friends. She was living a good life, but still all she knew was darkness. Days she spent training for no reason of her own. She didn't care about getting stronger, but she did so beacuse others did. But others had something she didn't. She didn't know what it was, but she could see on their faces, or on the smiles the showed between each other. She followed them, did everything they did, but she wasn't getting it. It was missing in her. A hole in her heart.

Ishoku couldn't figure out nor would she ever it seemed, but in the process of trying to copy others she did find something. Something that plugged that hole in your heart. It was heavy though. It clouded her mind. Yet it made her feel as though she fit into this world somewhere. As her blade slit the throat of the first beast, anger bubbled up. From then on anger is all she knew. It made her feel the way others seemed on those training grounds. Untill that day.

It was her first time meeting her first teammate. Something different came over her, but she pushed it out. It didn't feel natural to her. Anger was the only thing that Ishoku knew. Anger was what filled the whole in her heart, and yet this new feeling seemed to destroy the anger inside of her. No matter of what she tried, Ishoku couldn't bring forward her anger anymore. It was all fake. A front she tried to throw up to ignore this new feeling, but as their lips met for the first time, Ishoku's true anger, was gone, and gone for good.

Years passed with Ishoku still learning to accept this new feeling, but it wasn't untill a very special day in her life that she finally understood. The day her son was born, was the day she finally understood what love really is. And in less than a years time, she found out what true anger was. Ishoku was lost to emotion, but emotions wasn't lost for her. Those emotions took control of her and before she could find her son again, she found herself locked up, miles bellow the surface. Anger filled she turned the metal cell into scrap but still couldn't get out. She ordered around the closest thing she had to a friend in this hard time, forcing more power onto herself, but still she couldn't escape. It wasn't untill she took control of her own anger that she was released from her prison.

Days, turne to weeks, weeks turned to years. Ishoku was no longer that girl gripping onto anger to fit in. She was no longer that person who was ignoring her hearts love. She was the mother, preparing to give herself for her son's return. When she thought her heart reached the height of her pain, she left. Without word to anyone, and without intention of returning herself, she left. Ishoku was telling her self she was doing it for herself. To get her son back, but as she left her home, after kissing her love one more time, she knew true sadness. She wasn't coming back, but she'd make sure, her son was where he belonged.

Not but half a year since she left out, and returned home with her son, before she felt something again. A mix of all the emotions she'd felt up to now. It made her sick, but worse it made her cry. Tears flowed from her emotionless face as Ishoku watched as her own son tried to kill himself. Her body wouldn't move, it couldn't move. After years of fighting in the most self desctructive manor of anyone, she couldn't understand why one would take their own life. She opened her mouth to speek but words wouldn't come. The air in her lungs drew thin as she suffered under her tears. She she her mouth and the corners of her lips dropped to a frown. She gave into her pain, as he sone closed off the world to himself. Ishoku wouldn't do anything, or may be it was she couldn't do anything. She had to do something, to end this pain.